Today I can't human: why gender diversity matters in fiction

Growing up, the word ally meant somebody who was on our side during World War II. To be fair, I didn't even have a word for vegetarian back then. It doesn't mean that I was naïve or the people around me were evil, it means that I existed in an environment where gender inclusion was mummy gerbil eating both sexes of her babies.

And it wasn't just gender. My first homosexual encounter was watching an episode of M*A*S*H where an American soldier had been beaten by his own regiment for being gay. Bearing in mind that this episode would have aired when homosexuality was still being treated as an illness, there was nothing hidden, stereotyped or exaggerated about it. And Hawkeye's compassion towards him was an everyday acceptance of a different sexual orientation, nothing more and nothing less. In that moment, I knew that I would always be on that soldier's side, I was an ally. It was a beautiful moment, and it didn't feel like destroying society, it felt like expanding it.

So why does gender diversity matter in fiction?

As you've probably guessed, I have carried that M*A*S*H episode around with me in the same way I've carried how gorgeously free David Bowie's representation of gender was. In those moments I saw myself for the first time. I saw who I was inside. I saw that I wasn't alone.

To exist in a world that doesn't reflect who you are is a lonely kind of existence. When this loneliness has no external validation and no name to put to it, everything can turn in on itself. A life of creative passion and joy, becomes a life of internalised destruction. One book is enough. One character that resonates. One moment to say, this is who I am.

Recent events in America have seen the banning of books that include issues relating to race, gender identity and sexuality because of what they represent. And what they represent is freedom. A freedom not only to celebrate the human race in all it's glittering glory, but a freedom from the internalised destruction of being left utterly alone in this world.

Gender diversity in fiction matters because it has to matter.

Q: If I'm not transgender, isn't it more respectful to not write transgender characters?

This question gets rolled out time and time again because it's such a hard one to answer. There's been some cringe-terrible representations of women written by men, and men by women no doubt. But writers rarely stick to writing what they know. Kafka's Gregor Samsa would have woken up as a writer from Prague and Tolkien's masterpiece would have been a very different read altogether.

The truth is that it's not easy to include gender diversity when you might not have had any personal experience, but it's not easy doing anything for the first time. The biggest step is deciding to do it, and everything else is a chance to learn.

• To challenge the established social expectations of sexuality and gender takes a huge amount of courage. It's not the act of a stereotype.

• Make your writing an act of gratitude, not appropriation.

What if I get it wrong?

You're going to get it wrong, you're going to tread on toes and stumble about like a bull who works weekends in a china shop. That's what it means to be an ally. And every time you get it wrong, you own it, you embrace it as a gift and use it as a chance to learn.

• You're allowed to be scared, you're allowed to feel like you don't know what you're doing. It's all part of the process.

From a practical perspective, it's fine to start small. Stick to the internal narrative of characters you represent - if you're a woman, you know how men act, but you have no idea how they think so don't write it. If you're unsure, use a sensitivity reader. Most of all, set an intention to do your best and always treat your diverse characters as more than human props in your story. If it smells like a stereotype, it is a stereotype.

And bless your heart, if you're losing sleep over representing gender diversity in your work, then start by read some books that already have it right. Treat yourself kindly.

Allowing readers to see the world from a new perspective is like allowing them to see the Earth from orbit. As writers, the characters we bring to life are important in ways we can never imagine. Including gender diversity in fiction is not only representative of the society we're growing into, it's a tribute to all the beautiful, unique souls who have been brave enough to stand up, stand out, and make the world a brighter and far more beautiful place.